who are equally befuddled by the strange alien typeface set before them. But, after a little time, and a lot of patience, I— completely folded, succumbed to temptation, and resolved to let the A & I Detective Agency sniff it out. "Cornbread" was the machine's best guess. 'Cept didn't look like there was any "b" in it to me. So, I texted my niece who replies with a singular word I have not heard in about three decades since swearing off daytime television: "Coriander." Fortunately, I am yet old enough to know that "coriander" vaguely has something to do with food. Now, there are many unwritten rules to life, not the least of which should be: if you're gonna write a shopping list in cursive you cannot ask for "coriander." And, would you know, she texts back "fresh, please!" So, I assess my options to obtain fresh coriander: 1.) Raid a Confederate soup kitchen. 2.) Hold up a wagon train. 3.) Hike the Appalachian trail. Now, the only use I could possibly imagine for coriander, at that point, was to use it as a password whenever I should

find myself signing up for a free trial run on any of various new streaming services. All lowercase, no special characters, and virtually unguessable. And it was at that point, I realized that I should probably figure out what in Satan's salad bowl coriander is. My niece texts me back with a picture of something looking exactly like any other green edible plant. Great. No, help there. So, I rely on intuition, and lit off to another grocery store that'll have it if any would (and y'know, so long as I can beat that one grandma to it). On, the positive note, if my mother-in-law is asking for something as ridiculously specific as coriander then I should think I'd be treated to some down-home cookin' later on, so y'know probably worth the effort. Well, I finally get there, only to be told (after the first two other people had no clue what I was talking about), coriander is the name of the plant from which cilantro grows. Cilantro referring specifically to the leaves, and coriander the seeds (akin to peppercorn) and the plant. So, 'spected something weren't addin' up.